Empathy or apathy?

So, should this experience of tracking our own change processes make us more empathetic or apathetic and lose all hope for change in our lives? I think for me, it has been a wake up call to recognize that change is incremental and it takes time. My supervisor said that change can happen over night but the build up to it is quiet a long path in itself. I knew theoretically about how change is a long process - however, at the micro level, I was struck by how our readings and experiences are influencing my clinical understanding of change and how that happens to us in our lives.

I hope my attempts to start and restart change helps me realize the interconnectedness and the dance of change in our own lives, which can help me be more empathetic to change efforts in client's lives. I often see that our clients are far more resilient and capable than we ever are in creating some of the changes we ask them to do. However, the power structure of therapy never helps them realize their own power. The best we can do is to help them get out of their own way so they set up for success vs. set up for failure with goals, homeworks, and evaluations.

Too much to listen to

One of my favorite discussions in class was when Lee talked to us about the history clients bring with them to our therapy room. And how therapy is another context where by they are receiving alternate inputs on how to live their life or alter the choices they have already made. As I sit with clients now, I cant help imagine the added, compounded effect of my interaction with them and the pressure they are facing to improve, get better, and get healthier. 

Sleep, eat, exercise, on a regular basis - can this be the magical formula for every one? how do we help them negotiate their social contracts they have with each other? How do we help the socially anxious and less extraverted people recognize the value of relationships in their life? How do we essentially help them get out of their own way of progress and change. 

I guess the question is, what is our own epistemology making changes in our lives. How do we as therapists make the decisions we make? If we are less clear about how we inform our world view and decisions, does that impede our attempts at helping others figure out their own pathways? Should the doctor heal himself or herself before healing the patient? 

Andrew Young spoke few weeks ago and he said there is so much around us today, we have a hard time choosing what to get angry about. We also have a hard time choosing on what is right and what is the right amount of goodness to improve our lives. It's an ebb and flow situation.  

Have I stopped?

So, in my persistence of change and continuity regarding physical activity stop? Yes and No. I have been walking, with friends, gone for jog in the intra mural fields, gone by the lake, the railway tracks etc., Although since the week I have not been well, I have been less regular in the intensity work outs as prescribed by the spark book. 

Every discussion in class helps me think about how critical my own behavior is in strengthening the mind body connection. Hearing that exercise intensity strengthens the neural system to help it better manage the use of muscles was such a revelation. I think I am surrounded by too many advises and pathways of a healthy living? It is often hard to decide what to choose to follow consistently because every one has a say in what is right and effective. So what is right and effective? I have no freaking clue. 

 

Change is hard !

I was sitting in the therapy room with a client who was dealing with depression, very challenging life circumstances, difficult socio-economic circumstances, a negative relational context, and so on. Most cases that end up in the therapy room will have one or more of these themes present. After all that is why they are in the therapy room. 

Going through the change processes in our class has made me more sensitive to how we set ourselves up and mostly our clients to be ready for failure. My struggle in the therapy room has been to identify mechanisms through which I can prevent doing that to the clients I work with on a daily basis. If life was simple as following instructions, therapy would be a less significant profession in human history. But because there are biological, social, relational, political, and economic streams each of us swim against or with, the challenge of making change is harder than ever. 

If not helping me recognize the positive effects after a run or the joy of being outside, this class has helped me understand what we expect of our clients is something we can rarely accomplish consistently. It changes your perspective towards growth and challenges. 
 

 

So first effects of sleep (lack of)

Wednesday - Oct 3rd. 

I woke up to the rude awakening of my alarm clock - Yes, I used it!!!

So, the effect of no sleep or less sleep was very evident today. Last few days or for more than a week, I have had consistent sleep. I have not seen beyond 1130 and most nights, I am in bed by 1030. However, last night one of my good friends Rico Brown came over. We talked for a bit. Now, Rico left at a good time like at 1130. However, I was caught up in watching a Hindi movie called Rajneeti (means politics). Of course Hindi movies are horribly long (except this one didnt have the usual dance sequences and all that). So, I went to bed around 115 ~ 130. Bad idea. 

So, when I woke up in the morning, I could clearly feel it. Since our sleep class, I have tried to go to bed early and wake up by my self. And that has worked great. I plan to go home early today from work to catch two hours of sleep hopefully :-)

Another day at the gym

Tuesday - October 2 

Work in the morning - came home and went to the gym int he afternoon and rode the Expresso bike which sort of has  like a video game component on it. I rode like 8 miles on it and in better speed than I had before the previous days. Again, the positive effects, confidence, etc., were the outcomes. 

I noticed that in my clinical work in the evening, especially in supervision, I was more present and able to pick up larger themes as I observed clients. I also had a overwhelming sense of thankfulness or gratitude for a lot of things in life. This was a special feeling to own and have. 

Thankful. 

The beginning of a new week

Monday night spin classes are crazy. I had a new instructor this time. He was interesting but challenging. He kept talking the whole time about mexican food and what he is going to eat for dinner. He liked to believe he was motivating us - in reality, he was motivating himself. And some of the things he said was not very appetizing :-). 

So, that was a very good class. I started noticing the difference before and after the class. Not only do I sleep better, I also feel the focus, concentration, positive evaluations of my life, and greater drive to stay focused. Also, I must admit sleep has been more consistent.